Control. Something my eating disorder is ALL about. It comes out in more ways than just what I’m putting in my body. I need control of situations, food, school, socialization, time, everything.
I need to please everyone and to do that I take control of my thoughts and figure out what the others want from me. I can’t let them see the real me, because she is not good enough. This is how I control my environment.
Reasons why I’m having trouble recovering….letting go of control.
I can’t go to a high level of care because that takes away ALL the control. Someone else is in charge. How can I deal with that?
Well I can tell Rex to shove it where the sun don’t shine!
Control never really can exist fully. There is always some aspect of life that you will NOT be able to control. As soon as I am able to fully accept that, I’m going to be stuck in this Recover-Lapse phase and I want FULL recovery. So I’m saying Adieu to control!